Stop Arguing, Start Closing: The Phrase That Dissolves Conflict

Last week, we talked about how you say No. This week, we need to talk about what happens when they say No to you.

Objections. Resistance. Pushback.

"Your fees are too high."

"We’re going to wait until Spring." "I’m just looking right now."

When a leader hears an objection, the amygdala (the "Lizard Brain") perceives it as an attack. The instinct is to fight back. We call this "The Counter."

• They say: "It's too expensive."

• You say: "Actually, it's a great value because..."

This turns the conversation into a ping-pong match. You hit the ball. They hit it back harder. Nobody wins, and the relationship breaks.

Logic does not change emotion. If you try to win the argument with facts, you will lose the person.

To move from Friction to Flow, we have to swap Defensiveness for Curiosity. We need to use the most powerful tool in the Exactly What to Say framework:

The Magic Phrase: "Help Me Understand..."

This phrase acts as a pressure valve. It immediately signals, “I am not here to fight you; I am here to understand you.”

When you ask someone to explain their position, two things happen:

• They feel validated (which lowers their guard).

• They often realize, while explaining it, that their objection isn't as strong as they thought.

How to Execute This

The "Price" Objection

• Client: "That seems like a lot of money."

• You: "I appreciate you saying that. Help me understand… What specifically are you comparing it to?"

• The Learn: Now you find out if they are comparing you to a discount broker, a past experience, or just their own budget.

The "Stall" Objection

• Client: "We think we’re going to wait a few months."

• You: "That makes sense; you shouldn't rush. Help me understand… What is it specifically that you are hoping will change between now and then?"

• The Learn: Usually, they don't know. They are just stalling. This question reveals the real fear.

The "Competitor" Objection

• Client: "We are talking to a few other people."

• You: "That is a smart move. Help me understand… What is the one thing that will be the deciding factor for you in choosing who you partner with?"

• The Learn: Now they give you the roadmap to win the deal.

The "Just Out of Curiosity" Variation

Sometimes, you need to soften it even more. If a client has ghosted you or is being vague, try this:

"Just out of curiosity, what needs to happen for you to feel comfortable moving forward?"

The Shift from Adversary to Ally

Ultimately, an objection is not a stop sign. It is a signpost. It tells you exactly what is missing for the client to feel safe enough to proceed.

When you stop defending your own value and start exploring their perspective, the tension leaves the room. You stop being the salesperson trying to "win" the argument, and you become the consultant trying to solve the problem.

The next time you feel the urge to correct a client, pause. Lean in. And simply ask them to help you understand.

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About Kara

Kara Moll empowers busy executives to become confident, effective communicators—unlocking their full potential in both their personal and professional lives. An Executive Coach with Keller Williams MAPS Coaching, Kara is one of Phil M. Jones’ Certified Guides and an Exactly What to Say® Coach. She combines these powerful communication frameworks with expertise in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Energy Leadership Coaching to help clients achieve transformative results.

With over 20 years of experience in real estate, coaching, and training, she brings a wealth of knowledge and insight to every interaction. To take your communication skills to the next level, inquire about working with Kara here: Contact Kara Moll