The Dinner Party Rule for Realtors: A New Way to Think About Building Your Prospect List
- Kara Moll
- Jun 13
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 18
Ever feel like you’re casting a wide net in your real estate prospecting, hoping to catch anyone who bites? I’ve been there—early in my 20+ years as a realtor, I chased every lead, only to end up with clients who weren’t the right fit.
Then, I discovered the Dinner Party Rule, a game-changer for building your prospect list with intention.
As a certified Exactly What to Say® Guide, I’ve seen this approach transform how realtors connect with ideal clients, boosting real estate career growth.
In this post, I’ll share tips for realtors to rethink prospecting, inspired by the idea of curating your prospect list like you’d plan a dinner party. Intrigued? Let’s get started!
What is the Dinner Party Rule?
Imagine hosting a dinner party for 12 people. You wouldn’t invite just anyone—you’d carefully choose guests who’d vibe well together and bring something special to the table.
The Dinner Party Rule applies this mindset to building your prospect list. Instead of chasing every lead, you strategically select prospects who align with your ideal client avatar.
This shift from reactive to proactive prospecting saves time, builds stronger client communication in real estate, and sets you up for sustainable success.
Why It Matters: A targeted prospect list means you’re not wasting energy on mismatched clients, like those who demand discounts or don’t value your expertise.
Key Mindset: Prospecting isn’t about quantity—it’s about quality. A bigger, curated list gives you more opportunities to connect with the right people.
Step 1: Define Your Ideal Client Avatar
The first step in building your prospect list is getting crystal clear on who you want to work with. Think of your ideal client as a “missing person” you’d describe in vivid detail—geography, needs, motivations. This clarity helps you focus on prospects who need you, not just any realtor.
Ask Yourself:
Where are they located? (e.g., specific zip codes, urban vs. suburban)
What are their needs? (e.g., first-time buyers, downsizers, investors)
Why do they need you? (e.g., your expertise in condos, relocation support)
Pro Tip: Lean into what makes you unique—your past successes, testimonials, or ability to solve tough problems. You’re the secret ingredient in your real estate sales techniques.
For example, if you love working with young families upsizing in Chicago’s suburbs, your avatar might be a couple in their 30s, expecting their third child, and seeking a 4-bedroom home in Naperville.
This specificity guides your prospecting efforts.
Step 2: Build a Big, Strategic Prospect List
The Dinner Party Rule emphasizes a big list—10 times the number of clients you want. If you aim for 12 new clients this quarter, you need at least 120 prospects.
Why? A bigger list means more opportunities, even when some prospects aren’t ready yet. Here’s how to build it using the FRIENDS acronym from my prospecting workshop:
F – Friends: Start with your network—phone contacts, social media, past colleagues—who fit your avatar or can connect you to those who do.
R – Records: Dig into past clients, supplier lists, or business cards for names that align with your target market.
I – Industry: Identify industries tied to your avatar, like teachers or healthcare workers, and add relevant contacts (e.g. HR managers at hospitals).
E – E-Marketing: Use website forms or QR codes to collect emails in exchange for value, like a market report, to grow your list organically.
N – Networking: Attend events with intention—add names to your list at stranger-filled rooms, and educate known contacts to refer prospects.
D – Directory: Tap into directories like homeowners’ associations, PTO lists, or local business publications to find pre-grouped prospects.
S – Same Name: Boost your list by 10-15% by adding people with the same first or last names as existing prospects (e.g. know a Carlos? Add another Carlos).
This approach ensures your list is both broad and targeted, giving you a pipeline for real estate prospecting strategies that work.
Step 3: Prioritize with the Three-Level System
A massive prospect list can feel overwhelming, so prioritize it into three levels to stay focused and productive. Think of it as sorting your dinner party guests into VIPs, regulars, and long-term potentials.
Level 1 – Quick Wins:
Prospects with immediate needs (e.g. a buyer relocating next month).
Transactional, fast decisions, less price-sensitive.
Example: A first-time buyer who inquired about a listing.
Level 2 – Core Clients:
Prospects who may buy from others now but could become repeat clients or referral sources.
Require nurturing but offer sustainable business.
Example: A couple planning to upsize in six months who sends referrals.
Level 3 – Premium Prospects:
High-impact, dream clients (e.g. a developer or corporate relocation manager).
Hard to reach, often working with others, but could transform your business.
Example: A builder planning a 500-unit subdivision.
Focus on six prospects per level (18 total) at a time. As you close one, replace them with another from your big list. This keeps your prospecting dynamic and aligned with tips for realtors for growth.
Why the Dinner Party Rule Works
The Dinner Party Rule transforms prospecting from a scattershot approach to a strategic, intentional process. By curating a big, targeted list and prioritizing prospects, you:
Save Time: Focus on high-potential clients, not tire-kickers.
Build Confidence: A robust list means one “no” doesn’t derail you.
Drive Growth: Strategic prospecting fuels long-term real estate career growth by attracting ideal clients who value your expertise.
As Scott, a realtor from one of my recent workshops, shared, this approach helped him “get more granular” with his database, filtering leads to focus on clients who fit his avatar, boosting his efficiency and success.
Take Your Prospecting to the Next Level
Ready to master building your prospect list like a pro? I’m thrilled to announce my upcoming virtual workshop, Cracking the Prospecting Code, launching in July 2025. This hands-on session will dive deeper into real estate prospecting strategies, including:
Crafting opening fact questions (OFQs) to spark client conversations.
Building value statements that highlight why clients need you.
Scaling your prospect list with accountability and actionable steps.
Don’t miss this chance to transform your prospecting and grow your business. Enroll now and secure your spot—details are coming soon, but seats will fill fast!
Which part of the Dinner Party Rule will you try first? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re building your prospect list!
About Kara
Kara Moll empowers busy executives to become confident, effective communicators—unlocking their full potential in both their personal and professional lives. A real estate coach with Keller Williams MAPS Coaching, Kara is one of Phil M. Jones’ Certified Guides and an Exactly What to Say® Coach. She combines these powerful communication frameworks with expertise in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Energy Leadership Coaching to help clients achieve transformative results.
With over 20 years of experience in real estate, coaching, and training, she brings a wealth of knowledge and insight to every interaction. To take your communication skills to the next level, enroll in one of her upcoming workshops at Workshops & Events | Kara Moll
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