When my nephew Charlie was about 4 years old, I remember saying something and he looked at me, pointed his finger and authoritatively said, “Auntie we don’t say that. It’s a bad word.”
I’m fairly sure I chuckled and respected his parents and shook my head because to me it wasn’t. His perception was one of negativity, and mine, well it was just a word used to describe the passing of gas.
I recently had a run-in with another 4-letter word and this one stopped me in my tracks. I had been struggling with where to start on a project, the result of which was massive procrastination. For literally days I thought of this project, and it weighed on my mind. I kept thinking because it was important to me, that answer of where to start would just show up. So, I avoided and pondered. After weeks of looking for my miracle, it happened! It hit me – the answer was right there in front of me. And I knew what I’d have to do but involved what I considered to be one of the most heinous of 4-letter words.
In the vast lexicon of the English language, some words are universally recognized as “bad words.” These are the words that make parents cringe, teachers scold, and society as a whole raise an eyebrow in disapproval. However, there is one four-letter word that many treat with a similar level of disdain and avoidance, even though it lacks the explicit nature of traditional expletives. That word is “help.”
It’s ironic, really. “Help” should be a term that inspires a sense of community and support. Instead, it often becomes a source of discomfort, shame, and even fear.
Asking for help is key to personal growth, yet there are three main reasons why it has become taboo:
1. Pride and Ego: The Twin Pillars of Self-Sabotage
Pride and ego are perhaps the most significant barriers to seeking help. Many of us are conditioned to view asking for assistance as a sign of weakness, a flaw in our otherwise perfect armor. We fear that admitting we need help will tarnish our reputation, making us appear less capable or competent in the eyes of others.
But let’s face it, holding onto this mindset is like clinging to a sinking ship. Instead of giving in to our pride, we could ask ourselves: “When was the last time I asked for help and the outcome was better than I expected?” This question reframes the narrative, shifting the focus from potential loss of face to the potential gains in knowledge, support, and progress.
2. Being a Burden: The Invisible Weight
Another reason people shy away from asking for help is the fear of being a burden. We worry that by seeking assistance, we will be imposing on others, adding to their already full plates. This mindset can be particularly pervasive in professional settings, where everyone seems to be juggling multiple responsibilities.
A simple yet powerful question to challenge this belief: “When would be a good time to approach Jim about helping me?” This puts the inquisitor in a position of empowerment and action.
3. Fear: The Silent Saboteur
Fear is a powerful motivator, and when it comes to asking for help, it can manifest in various ways. We fear rejection, judgment, and failure. These fears can paralyze us and keep us from reaching out even when we desperately need assistance.
To combat this, narrow your focus and ask yourself, “The way I see it, there are two types of people: those who are afraid to ask for help and wallow in self-pity about what’s not happening, or those who take action, ask for help and step into their possibility! Which do I choose to be?!” This question helps to put fear into perspective and pits the consequences of each type against each other. The answer becomes a clear choice!
By addressing these three barriers—pride and ego, fear of being a burden, and fear itself—we can begin to shift our perspective on asking for help. It starts with introspection and knowing Exactly What to Say® to challenge your assumptions and reframe your mindset.
Asking for Help Truly is Key to Personal Growth
In a world that often glorifies self-reliance and independence, it’s easy to see why “help” has become a dirty word. Recognize and address the barriers that keep you from seeking assistance, and then change your narrative by asking yourself, “How important is it to move forward?”
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a strategic move towards growth and success. I wonder if Charlie would agree.
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